Green Socks
INT: A college apartment, with two guys, one sitting on the couch. One is wearing green socks and looking at himself in a mirror. There is a Couch, Tv, Table, Etc…
Jason
Are you sure this looks okay?
Brian
To be honest, I don’t really like the socks.
Jason
The socks? That’s such a weird thing to not like?
Brian
Dude, they’re green.
Jason
Yeah, but like, they’re socks who cares.
Brian
You asked what I thought, I told you, I don’t like the socks.
Jason
I didn’t ask what you thought, I asked if it looked okay.
` Brian
Okay, well yeah it looks okay.
Jason
Hold on, what do you mean it looks okay, that’s such a broad thing to say, “it looks okay.” Other than the socks, does everything look alright.
Brian
Yeah, you look great. She’s gonna fall in love with you instantly from the ankles up.
ENT: Shane in a rush, changing his clothes, clearly not paying attention to Brian or Jason.
Jason
Shane, does this look okay?
Shane
Yeah, I don’t like the socks though.
Jason
Oh my God, I’m changing my socks.
Brian
Bout time.
Jason
(changes socks, green socks still on stage)
Do these socks look better or worse?
Brian
(sarcastically) Dude they’re white c’mon… yeah, I’m kidding they look fine.
Jason
There you go again, “fine.” No, fuck it, I’m not changing anymore.
Shane
Bro, no girl in the history of girls has ever not liked someone because of their socks, you’re being an idiot.
JASON
Yeah, you’re probably right. What time do you guys wanna leave?
Brian
Well I still have to shower and get ready
Jason
DUDE, you haven’t showered yet?!
Brian
When did you see me shower? Do I look like I’m ready to go?
Jason
The whole time you were yelling at me about my socks you could have been in the shower. She said come over at nine.
Brian
Okay, ill shower now and we’ll be there at 9:30
Shane
(Fake Laughing) “9:30” more like 10, you take the longest showers
Ext: Brian
Jason
Dude I’m leaving without you, just hurry up. Shane what do you wanna do while he’s in the shower for 10 years?
Shane
We’ll if he’s just now getting in the shower lets go get food
Off stage; shower water turns on
Jason
I already ate, hurry up though
Shane
Alright I’ll be back in a minute
Shane exits
Jason
I can’t believe you haven’t gotten a shower yet that’s actually so annoying
Brian (off stage, in the shower)
I’m in the shower right now can you chill, nobody is gonna get there until like 11 anyway
Jason
Yeah but that’s when everyone is gonna get there, she told me, for us, to come at nine. So, we should go at nine.
Ent: Shane with food, begins to eat.
Brian (Off Stage)
Yeah but what are we gonna do at nine, sit there and watch her and her roommates get ready? It’s her 21st not a watch party for “The Bachelor”.
Jason
Bachelor starts at 10, can you hurry up.
Brian (off stage)
We’ll it’s kinda hard to focus on showering when I’ve got you in my ear talking about doing this girl’s nails and shit.
Jason
Alright now you’re just being dumb, hurry up
Jason
What’d you get to eat?
Shane
Chipotle.
Jason
You didn’t get guac?
Shane
Guac cost extra. Is he still in the shower? (to Brian) dude I literally went to chipotle, ordered and came back and you’re still in the shower, what do you do in there?
Brian (off stage)
Did you get guac?
Shane
I hate you.
Jason
Dude I don’t know if we should go.
Shane
(Sarcastically)Shut up.
Jason
No maybe he’s right, what if she invited me over at nine because we’re just friends?
Shane
Why, what, what do you mean?
Jason
I don’t know, girls are weird, maybe if I’m there early with her and all of her friends it would seem, I don’t know too friendy.
Brian (off stage)
Dude that’s why I’m saying we should go at 10:15.
Jason and Shane
DUDE HURRY UP!
Jason
He’s actually never said we should go at 10:15. Nobody has ever has gone anywhere at 10:15. That’s just a bizarre middle time, it’s not late, it’s not early what is it?
Shane
Uhh, On time maybe.
Jason
Yeah were not going at 10:15.
Shane
Bro I might not even go.
Jason
What do you mean you might not even go?!
Shane
Yeah dude I don’t really feel good, plus I don’t even know her that well.
Jason
Dude you have to go. (to Brian, still off stage) Shane said he might not even go.
Brian (Off Stage)
What do you mean you might not even go?!
Jason
Said he doesn’t feel well.
Shower water turns off
Ent: Brian in a towel
Brian
Dude we’re going.
Shane
You aren’t even dressed yet and its already 9.
Jason
It’s fine, we can get there at 10, it’s like a perfect middle point.
Brian
I like that idea.
Shane
I hate both of you.
Brian
So, what’s the plan?
Shane
The plan? You just get dressed. We’re leaving as soon as you get ready. Jason, you stop, just, just, stop being you.
Brian
What should I wear?
Shane
I’m done with this conversation.
Jason
Why don’t you just…
(Brian walks over to green socks)
Brian
Well, what are you doing with these? (points at the socks)
Jason
You wanna wear my green socks, I don’t know dude, they’re kinda my thing.
Shane
Oh my god why are we still talking about the green socks, why do you even own green socks?
Jason
It’s important to have a diverse sock portfolio, Ya know.
Shane
Yeah, I’m definitely not going now.
Brian
Wait, really?
Shane
Dude you two are the worst people on earth, you’ve been arguing over socks and “The Bachelor” for the past hour. I don’t wanna be anywhere with the two of you, let alone a social environment of any kind.
Jason
We literally talked about “The Bachelor” one time, and the socks thing was his fault.
Brian
I haven’t even seen the show.
Shane
WHY ARE WE STILL TALKING ABOUT “THE BACHELOR”?
Jason
It’s actually a pretty cool show.
Shane
Please tell me how “The Bachelor” is a “pretty cool show” … please.
Brian
Isn’t it just a bunch of really pretty girls all fighting over the same guy? I could get behind that.
Jason
Yeah, I’ve only seen a little bit of it, but I’m pretty sure they all live in the same house.
Brian
Wait that could be cool, they probably get in fights and stuff.
Jason
Yeah, it’s pretty entertaining all together, my mom loves it.
Brian
What time is it?
Shane
9:50
Brian
Think we could watch an episode before we leave and then just get there at eleven? What are they, 40, 45 minutes?
Jason
Yeah, I mean at this point we’ll be late anyway, plus maybe me and her can talk bachelor tonight.
Shane
Well, this is the weirdest pregame idea you two have ever had, but for some reason I don’t hate it.
Jason
Wait, are we really about to watch the bachelor?
(they all sit on the couch, turn on the television, Brian still in towel)
Brian
Oh yeah, we’ve committed at this point.
Shane
Can you put some clothes on dude?
Woman’s voice on television
I really just can’t believe Caitlyn would steal my green socks.
the end
